GILBERTS by Kath Harpley 2018

THE GILBERT FAMILY

Written by Kath Harpley (nee Gilbert) 30 June 2018

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Boris, Mark with Antonia, Jo with Katherine, Alex

My mother, Josephine (Jo) has written an enlightening account of the family history reliving memories of her parents and grandparents and what life was like in her childhood and in a separate document recounts my father's early life in Poland, Siberia and WW2. Aunty Margaret's, (Mum's sister) eulogy of mum recalls their life as children with great affection. Rather than letting history stop there, when mum and dad had just two children, Alex and Boris, I now recount what happened next....


Antonia and I (Katherine) were born 24/4/1959. We, 'the twins', made our first and life long friend, Karen Marsh on Thorncliffe Road, Mapperley Park, Nottingham when we were about 4 years old. This was the first house I remember. Dad was a painter and decorator at this time and mum stayed home to look after the blossoming family, as was common practice. It was a big house and we had lodgers. Mum became good friends with Karen's mum-Joyce. I think both mothers had a difficult time as they were balancing a tight budget. At this time we had 2 brothers, Alex, born 1950, Boris born 1952. It occurred to me years later that we were actually born only a short time after the end of WW2 (15 yrs) and rationing was still very much a memory (rationing finished in 1954) and the country was still recovering. Our clothes were mostly home made as mum used to knit and sew and things were recycled and passed down to the next generation. Andrew the youngest of the 5 was born in 1963 and he was the reluctant recipient of most of the ‘hand-me-downs’! Dad worked long hours and we did not see much of him in the early years. He fell off a roof he was working on and broke a leg (I think). Tonia and I of course helped, in our childish way to nurse him better. That was the last roof work he did. There was a second-earlier roof incident when he was working up high and a chimney fell apart. (see Newspaper article). He held it together until the firemen arrived.

We were still very young when the whole family moved to Lowdham around the mid 1960's. Mum and Dad bought the hardware shop which is in the centre of the village, with ample living accommodation. Mum worked in the shop mostly, and dad still did painting and decorating. We had a vehicle at this time, firstly a Bedford Van and then as the business prospered, dad bought a 12 seater Landrover which amply accommodated the boisterous family and Dads paraffin round (not both together). Paraffin heaters were common at that time and dad used to deliver to all the local villages where locals would buy a half gallon or gallon a week. This was before most people had cars.

The hardware shop at Lowdham

We had a large back yard under which were paraffin tanks. One of Boris’s chores was to sit in a small shed with a hand pump which he had to use to pump up paraffin from underground to the smaller tank just at the back of the shop. We also had a mangle in the back yard to squeeze the washing of water before hanging it to dry. There was a copper where water was boiled for the washing. I don't recall this ever being used and maybe it was a relic from a previous generation. The day mum got a twin tub to do the washing in was so exciting followed years later by the first automatic. We all just sat and watched it going round and round. When we were deemed old enough, we all did turns at serving in the shop. Nails were weighed out and screws counted. We sold paint wallpaper, the B&Q of its day. At a time before Sunday opening, it was not uncommon for locals to knock on the door as we were having Sunday lunch, for some diy item that they needed immediately. We always helped and dad would give advice. I could cite lots of fond memories from our years at Lowdham as they were happy years of growing up in a village where there was freedom to explore and to experience a lovely country life. Here are some of them:

Village life was good. We enjoyed the local school. At that time we all turned up, including the teachers, no matter what the weather and even if the boiler broke. We played all the usual playground games of which I think hopscotch was my favourite, had free milk mid morning, which would be frozen in winter, and if we got wet going to school or during the breaks we dried our clothes on the radiators. Mr Amos, our teacher would throw the black board rubber (a hard wooden block) at any child that was misbehaving. He couldn't do that now!! Mum and dad worked hard and mum cooked for all 7 of us. There were lots of stews, fish on Fridays when the fish man came round. She did some amazing puddings, suet puddings, crumbles, pies, egg custard which we all enjoyed. Occasionally dad would get involved and we would have his native dishes: Borshe (beetroot stew), Pierogi (pasta dumplings filled with cheese and potato or beagus-sauerkraut and then fried in butter and onions). The family dog was call Speck. She, a collie cross, was of course adored. She always greeted visitors but wo-be-tide if anyone tried to take anything away with them like the laundry man who came weekly to take the sheets for washing. She always greeted him fondly but snarled when he picked the bundles up to leave.

Alex, Boris, Mark at Sherwood Forest

On Sundays we would often go out to Sherwood Forest or Derbyshire and many a time the camping stove would come out. In the autumn we would go spud bashing – potato picking for Farmer Preston where we would be paid a pittance for a days back breaking work. I guess as youngsters we probably did not pick much. There was a local orchard where we went scrumping for plums, damsons and apples. Mum made jam and the damson variety became quite tiresome as when one years stock ran out the next lot was being made.

It was also a family occasion to go blackberry picking once a year near Belvoir Castle. The hands were always torn to shreds after this event but the apple and blackberry pies, crumbles and suet puddings with custard were delicious.

Kath on Moses

I love animals and got involved with horses. Mum got me a Saturday job at Hagg Farm Gonalstone, helping with hunting horses and rides out. I even got to go fox hunting on a couple of occasions (this was way before it was banned). I was allowed out by myself with these great big horses and I recall the adrenaline rush of jumping a 5 bar gate which I am sure I was not supposed to do. My 2 favourite horses were Butterscotch a lovely golden chestnut and Moses a dark bay cobby horse with a hogged mane. Both had lovely gentle temperaments and were a joy to be around.

Just one further memory, Feb 1971 saw decimalisation. I was 11, going on 12. All the prices in the shop had to be changed over from pounds, shillings and pence (12 pence to a shilling and 20 shillings to a pound) to the new, easier to understand decimalisation. This was done manually-no calculators then!! A silver shilling became 5p and silver 2 shillings 10p a ten bob note became 50p and so on. As this had to be done on a single day, Sunday when the shop was closed mum asked Aunty Margaret and Uncle Stuart and I think, their friends the Pickerings over to help and of course Tonia and I had to lend a hand. We got really good at doing the conversions quickly and when we went to school on the following Monday and did a class on the new coinage, we were just the stars of the class-mustard.

Marshall Hill Drive

Dad had a heart attack around 1970 and it was soon after this that the shop was sold and we moved to a 3 bed detached house on Marshall Hill Drive, Mapperley. Alex and Boris had left home by this time. Within a few years mum and dad separated and then got divorced. This was very upsetting for the 3 of us still at home as we had never suspected that anything was wrong.

Mum later married Bob Ellis and was happy in that relationship for ever after. Mum worked at Jessops (now John Lewis) She and Bob lived in Carlton for a number of years. Bob was retired. Mum then worked for Gedling Borough Council until they eventually pensioned her off with a nice deal including her small maisonette at Lambley which she eventually purchased. She enjoyed many hobbies including researching the family history taking the family tree back to the mid 1700's, contacting long lost family and local history. She got involved in village life and was on many committees. She was a member of the Gedling WI and was its Chair for a number of years. She had lots of friends and because of her involvement with so many things was missed by many when she died

I recall often phoning her to sort out meeting up for a drink or family meal and she would always have to get her diary to see when she could fit us in. As active as she was, she was also clumsy and was renown for gluing pots together that she had broken. A tube of araldite was never far from her hand. This was a source of amusement in the family. Mum was also a fanatical gardener and Bob was happy to assist all her plans. At Carlton she had a big garden and they grew veg as well as a lovely floral sitting area. When they moved to Lambley the garden was small but none the less lovely, full of flowers all the time. In her last days in hospital she was unable to speak. She wrote in a notebook 'I just want to be able to sit in my garden this summer. It's small and I love it'.

Dad never really got over the divorce. He was a difficult man at times and could be very stern, especially when we got to be teenagers, exerting his very strong and what we felt were outdated views on us all. If I were to look deeper into this I would also say that as Mum had got pregnant before marriage he was overprotecting us and also as Boris had been a mischievous but charming child he was not going to let Tonia and me follow in that suit. We were more timid than Boris and we felt that dad was a bully. I believe Boris also thought this. I don't mean that he was a physical bully although he was not averse to punishing bad behaviour, but just that he was overbearing and too restrictive. I have to emphasise here that he loved us very much and given what he had gone through as a child, he probably felt the need to over protect. Dad retired when we moved to Mapperley. Not a man for friends or hobbies he spent a lot of time alone whilst mum worked and we were at school. However he did cook and look after the family whilst mum was working. He was a good cook and did an admiral job. However I recall cups of tea so strong you could stand your spoon up in them. Put me off tea for life. Of course he could turn his hand to any diy task. It has to be said that he always had time for us. We were well fed and looked after and in times of need he offered a shelter, like when I separated from my first husband, I went back to live with him and became quite close to him. He helped me buy a house and showed me how to decorate.

Mark and Dorothy

After he separated from mum, he moved to Arnold. He met Dorothy McNulty, a retired school teacher, from Stockport. I believe they met in London when they had both separately gone for a weekend. They had a long term relationship but never fully lived together. At one point he did want to move to Stockport. He asked for our opinions and I said I would miss him. This stopped him moving. I now regret my selfishness as I am sure he would have found happiness with Dorothy. Dorothy always had a small dog. The most memorable was Badger, a Jack Russell cross.

Badger absolutely adored Goldie (my yellow Labrador). They were the greatest of friends, robustly playing together and looking out for one another. Dorothy outlived Dad by a number of years and we kept in touch.

Alex worked his apprenticeship at Raleigh Bikes, one of the big manufacturing plants in Nottingham and then did several jobs before emigrating to S Africa with his first wife Maria where he had 2 children, Rupert and Claudia before returning back alone to England some years later to marry his second wife Sharron, and to become a landlord, buying houses in Bath and renting them out to students. He has also dealt in antiques for all of his adult life, buying and selling. Of all of us 5 he is probably the most academically minded in his reading and learning. He probably gets this from mum who was a great reader and her book case was full of historical, architectural and art books. A relative described Alex as very intense which I think is correct and he himself would probably agree with.

Sharron (Alex's second wife),
Jo, Claudia and Rupert in South Africa

Alex’s daughter Claudia Married Cormac  in 2010 and they have two children. Jim and I went to their wedding in South Africa which was lovely. I recall saying to Jim that as we were the only relatives, other than parents, she had at the wedding that we should make a good impression. He took me at my word about the impression bit and got over enthusiastic on the dance floor after consuming maybe one or two, too many whiskeys, the outcome being that in one swift move he managed to tear his shirt apart, ripping all the buttons off and revealing his chest to all. Claudia's brother, Rupert is still enjoying being a free young man. Rupert and Claudia are both sporty and have inherited the families favourite past time of cycling. Jo used to cycle in her youth, her father used a bike for transport until he had an accident and was killed, Alex is a road rider and raced in his youth, Kath and Jim have mountain biked at club level for many years and Rupert and Claudia enjoy the off road sports of BMX and mountain biking.

Boris

Boris joined the RAF (see his account). This was a high point in his life and no doubt gave him space to direct his mischievous personality. In the village if trouble was kicking off then Boris, no doubt the ring leader, was generally in the middle of it, like the time he and his mates were using the marquee which had been erected for the annual summer festival, as a slide. Climbing onto the high point and then sliding down. I can see the pleasure in this and had I been old enough I too would have enjoyed the fun. He was brought home by the village bobby and I am sure that dad would have dealt justice, usually the belt across the bottom – shock horror now, but swift justice in those days.

Douglas and Adrian

Boris married Janette on the conception of their first child-Douglas, History repeating itself! A second child Adrian followed. Both Douglas and Adrian are now married and have children and Boris and Sue (second wife) are adoring and doting grandparents. Boris, Janette and the boys lived in Janette's home town of Bedford. On leaving the RAF Boris had a number of jobs, I recall milkman, postman and bus driver. Following his divorce he lived with Linda and ran a kiss-a-gram and fancy dress company.  No doubt his sunny disposition held him in good stead for this fun occupation.  Self employment suits Boris, no doubt being more flexible than having a boss. He married his second wife Sue around 2013. They run a Barber and hair-dresses in Bedford and organize car rally holidays which they enjoy. Boris is a Santa Clause sort of person with his lovely generous jolly character and fine stature.

During our teens Tonia and I went to Gedling Comprehensive school which wasn't the nicest time of our lives. Coming from a quite village where everyone was nice, we were fish out of water mixing with people whom we were not on a wavelength with. We were verbally bullied, nothing physical but enough to make life uncomfortable. The saving grace in my life was that I had graduated to riding race horses at Jericho Farm, Lambley. I spent all Saturday there, mucking out, cleaning tack and riding these fantastic thoroughbreds. I always wanted my own horse but family finances did not permit. However, in retrospect I think I did better than that as I was privileged to have been given the opportunity of riding bigger and better horses and I didn't have to get up at 'stupid o'clock' to feed and muck out. If race days fell on a Saturday or during school holidays I was taken along to groom. The horses always knew when they are going racing and got excited. 

We enjoyed the local teenage disco on Saturday nights at the Carlton Forum dancing to music of the 70's, Queen, Baycity Rollers, T-Rex, Sweet, Wizard, Slade, all the motown divas and of course Tonia's idol-Donny Osmond. We had several boyfriends along the way. Our best friends at this time were the Ceriati brothers who's parents were Italian and Pete Carlin and Colin. We would sit and play cards and chess and listen to Elvis all night. Tonia and I still adore Elvis and recently went to a concert at the NEC with the Philharmonic orchestra and him on the big screen.

Tonia and I had several other Saturday jobs as we got older, catering, hair-dresses, Smith & Englefield selling handbags, petrol station. Tonia went to college to study textile manufacturing which was one of the great industries in Nottingham. I always wanted to work with horses but sense got the better of me and my first job was with Lloyds Bank as a clerk in the days before computers when everything was processed manually. This stood me in good stead as I went on to spend a couple of years with the Halifax Building Society and then worked for a horse clothing manufacturer (I got my equestrian fix after all). I worked there for 25 years and ended up managing the whole company. This was a good period in my life as I got to do some good stuff, organising big equestrian events with Ian Stark the Olympic 3 day Event rider, Sylva Loch of the Spanish Dressage descent and work with Lee Pearson the Paralympic dressage rider. I went to many trade shows in Dubai, China, Germany and of course the UK and I organised photo shoots one of which was at Belvoir Castle. My involvement with horses was on a different level to my intended path but probably more interesting and financially rewarding. I later went self employed making the same products but using the local prison, Lowdham Grange to manufacture.

Antonia and Phillip wedding 1977
Left to right-(the people I can identify): Stuart Watts (aunty Margaret's husband), Mark Gilbert, bridesmaid Karen Marsh, Aunty Margaret (in white), Barbara (in red)with 2 small children, Steve (brown jacket-grooms brother), Groom and bride-Phillip, Antonia, Katherine (me-with scarf, Andrew, Alex (tall-at back), Rachael Folwell (bridesmaid) Jo(yellow scarf) and Maria (blue trouser suit-Alex's wife). Front row Boris with Douglas and Janette.

Wesley,Vincent, Gregory Johnson

Romantically, Tonia met and married Phil Johnson and had 3 children Gregory, Vincent and Wesley. At the time of writing Gregory has 3 boys (as of Jan 2020 also one daughter) and Vincent a boy and girl. Tonia divorced in her 40's and later married Graham Walker. They are just in the process of moving to Whitby, where Jim and I have had a bungalow for 3 years. They intend to retire in a years time. Both Graham and Tonia adore their children and grandchildren and enjoy spending time with them. Tonia's life long passion has been motorbikes and she has shared this with both Phil and then Graham. They belong to motor bike clubs and ride to weekend rallies. In the younger years I recall it was not uncommon for some riders at rallies to drink many pints of ale and then ride. Unthinkable now. There were not the speed camera's on the roads then and riding was a pleasure as you could open up and enjoy the country roads.

I made a poor first marriage. The 3 of us left at home after mum and dad separated suffered as our security had been bashed, Feeling insecure I married too young. Alan lasted just a year, neither of our faults just that we were not right for one another. I then had an interim relationship buying a house in West Bridgford for just £8000. It was a wreck which we renovated. I wish I still had that house as it is worth over £300,000 now. Jim was the boy next door (but 2). I met and made friends with his mum, Phyllis first and she introduced us. We

Dorothy, Jim, Goldie, Katherine (me),
Mark and Antonia (pregnant with Vincent)

both had dogs at that time and so enjoyed many walks. At this time I have to say more about Goldie the Labrador who was the sweetest kindest most loving, loyal dog and a treasure in my life. She was a fantastic swimmer and would dive to about 2 metres to retrieve a stone. Her failing was that she would roll in anything smelly, especially, rotten fish on the river bank – yuk! Jim and I fell in love, got married 5 years later and have been married for 29 years. 

Field Close, Gedling.

Bungalow Whitby

We fully renovated several houses and eventually bought a bungalow in Gedling which is lovely on a third acre plot and have been here for 24 years.

Recently retired (hence having time for this project) we bought a second bungalow in Whitby 3 years ago which I am hoping we will retire to – we will see. Anyhow before we get to this point I need to say something about our lives together. We have had a good life together (I hope Jim thinks so too!) We have both worked hard, duel income, no kids-by design which has enabled us to do some incredible, adrenaline junkie things and travel the world. We never worked out how kids could enhance our life and so never had any and we were enjoying having money in our pockets and doing lots of things. 

Rim to rim of the Grand Canyon

Pot holing

Our memories are other peoples dreams. Our passion has been mountain biking, riding with NATS mountain bike club (which I chaired for a number of years) in the Peak District, The Lakes, Yorkshire, Wales, Scotland. And many trail centres. We have dabbled with rock climbing and caving. I took a holiday one year to Iceland and mountain biked across it with a group. We have hiked across the Grand Canyon (rim to rim), we have white water rafted the Colorado, through the Grand Canyon, Climbed the Half Dome in Yosemite NP, Mountain biked down Snowden, Canyoned down a mountain in Italy, off road motor biked many times on Greek islands, Walked on the Great Wall of China, Been down a pyramid and travelled

Mt Hoverla, Ukraine

to many countries enjoying different cultures and experiences. 

Kath with Rosie
in back garden, Gedling.

3 years ago when Jim's mum died we inherited a Jack Russell-Rosie. She bosses us around with her daily demands, chases the squirrels and birds in the garden but is so adorable that she gets away with mischief. She is a great part of our lives but the down side of this is that we don't go abroad so much any more. Hopefully travel will resume upon her demise, not that I am wishing here gone as she brings so many other positive and happy things to our lives like healthy long walks, mountain biking in the woods where she happily runs ahead, drinks in the pub where she goes along to for treats from the landlord, affection and cuddles. Motorbikes have also been a part of our lives as has Jim's Porsche. 

Antonia, Boris, Jim & Kath

Of all my siblings, I am the family organiser and responsible for getting us all together for some activity. This has been walks in the peaks, a weekend in Yorkshire, a day at the races, War Weekend and this year a weekend in Whitby.

Grassington weekend:
back: Wesley & Vincent Johnson, Douglas & Adrian Gilbert
front: Jo Ellis, Katherine Harpley Rupert von Tutschek,
Gregory Johnson, Jim Harpley, Phil Johnson

Last but not least the sweetest of us all. Well everyone says Andrew is sweet. Mum always used to say that he was the one to bounce ideas off and he would come up with rational responses. Andrew the youngest of the 5, spent his early life in Lowdham which like the rest of us, he enjoyed and had friends in the local village school and went to cubs. He recalled to me, as a youngster, he and his pals would collect bottles from the back of the pub across the road. You used to buy pop in a glass bottle and there was a deposit which you got back if you returned the bottle. The boys would then take the bottles into the front of the pub where there was a serving window and collect the deposit on the bottles. Mischievous!! Andrew shares Mum's love of gardening. I have a big garden and see it as a chore although I love being in the garden on a sunny day. Andrew and Mum both love doing the garden and making it beautiful. Like Tonia and myself, Andrew suffered when Mum and Dad split up. He went to live with Mum and Bob (her second husband). Bob who was getting on a bit and set in his ways, found him difficult but actually he was just a normal teenager pushing the boundaries. I have no doubt that had they met later in life that they would get on together just fine. Andrew got a job at Leicester Place, a night club which he ended up managing for a number of years. I think this was probably the happiest part of his life as he had lots of friends, parties and a good lively social life.  He then moved with his pal Mally to Manchester where he got a job on the Railway and is still there now. Once or twice a year we meet up in the Peak District and do a walk followed by a pub lunch. Like me and Tonia, Andrew likes to have a dog in his life to get him out walking. These are generally big Labs or Ridgebacks that fill a room when they enter.

All of us siblings and our spouses are everyday practical people who just knuckle down and get on with things. None of us are great academics but we achieve in other things and get things done. Mum and dad were both practical, down to earth people and that has rubbed off on us all.

I wrap this up by saying that we have been fortunate to have been born post war in a time of wealth when the national health service and education has been at its best. We were lucky to have parents who loved us and who taught us good life skills and we were lucky to have enough of everything so we could enjoy life without too much stress. At a time when we are just about to exit the European Union it remains to be seen what the next generation will experience. 

Jo, Katherine, Antonia, Alex
Boris, Andrew

During her last last spell in hospital, Mum requested a village funeral and she wrote  in her notebook:

'There's something about a village funeral in an old church that links the generations, believers or not. Mediaeval people we know nothing about, christenings, marriages, death. They all end up in the churchyard.'

She also wrote:

'I am blessed in my family and friends'.

Bless you Mum xx

Kath Harpley

2018